To Donald J. Trump
President, United States of America
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, DC
Dear sir,
As a concerned American citizen, I feel it important to bring a crisis to your attention. This crisis is of great import, and potentially affects the lives of every single man, woman, child and litigant in this great nation.
It has come to my attention that potentially MILLIONS of exotic creatures could be getting smuggled into -- and subsequently trafficked in -- the United States of America. This smuggling is being performed with the aid of so-called "Smart Phones" using cellular technology as a cover for the illicit schemes.
Millions of Americans travel abroad each year, and many of them play the popular "Augmented Reality" game called Pokémon Go by Niantic Labs. When they travel abroad, they get the opportunity to catch "regionally exclusive" creatures (some of which, I hear, are named after SHINTO DEMONS (please ask VP Pence what a demon is.))
These "regional exclusive" creatures are then forced into a gruesome pit-fighting scenario, either beating American-born creatures, or being used to taunt American players by defending "gyms." (Please ask former POTUS Barack Obama what a gym is.)
These illegal border crossings occur each day without ANY border declarations! These sinister creatures are hiding in the cell phones of jet-setting nerds all over the country.
It pains me to explain to my seven year old grandson why his Pidgey got sent home by a Heracross or a Tropius.
Something must be done! We need to increase border security with guards who can recognize these creatures and know the threat. Perhaps the captured Pokémon can be stored with the immigrant children to keep them entertained?
Thank you in advance for your consideration.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen
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